Skydiving!
Since I was in high school, I wasted to go skydiving. I know. Crazy, right. Who in there right mind would willingly jump out of an airplane? I did, however, have many "excuses" not to.
When I weighed almost 300 lbs, skydiving seemed a bit unrealistic.
It was expensive for a high school/college kid.
No one would go with me (although my friend Robert once said he would, but then he went and entered the military and the opportunity passed).
Then I graduated college, started teaching, and became a "grown up."
Next came children and more busy-ness.
And life got in the way, like it does with many things on our own personal "Bucket Lists.". When you have other people, especially children, in your life, your needs tend to sometimes get pushed back to second. Which is what happened with skydiving.
As many of you reading this know. I recently lost over 150 lbs. I think I mentioned a few times to my husband during the "losing" process that I would finally jump once I lost all the weight. But, once again, life and kids got in the way. And maybe, in the back of my head, I thought I was crazy too. I have done many other thrill seeking type activites, like the bungee slingshot at the zoo, evey crazy roller coaster I could, traveled the world, ect. So, I come by my crazy thill seeking honestly. (ask me about the first time I rode an upsde down rollarcoaster at age 7 with my mom...)
But...SURPRISE! For my 30th birthday and 6th Anniversary, my husband and my parents, and grandparents got together to send me skydiving!
So, yesterday, we showed up at Skyranch Skydiving so that I could fly 10000 feet in the air and jump out of a perfectly good airplane (tandem of course). The hanger was a stereotypical, out of the movies, parachutes everywhere, pilots and other just hang in out eating, drinking (not alcohol), and shooting the breeze.
We checked in, watched a video about the assumption of risk agreement where I signed that if the chute didn't open, if the plane crashed, or if a bird flew into me in the air, I would not sue anyone. My favorite quote from the owner was "the state of Arkansas (we were in Siloam Springs) has decided that sky diving is an extreme and dangerous risk, but we here at Skyranch just see it a's additional risk....if you never drive a car, you will never wreck one...if you never jump out of a plane...you will never fall to your death.". Haha!
So...we signed and initialed all the paperwork and then I was "trained" for 20 minutes. Something about chicken wings, chin up, and arch your back...and RELAX and smile for the camera! Then don't forget when you land to keep your feet up so that your tantem dive master can land and not break your ankles...and RELAX and smile for the camera.
Seriously, I was wondering if they were more concerned about the camera than me. :) (the video..by the way, is awesome)
We hung out with the other crazy jumpers for about an hour while we waited our turn...my turn. Tony spent most of the time talking to a young man who is stationed at fort hood, but grew up working at sky ranch, folding chutes and such until he joined the military at 18. I think Tony really enjoyed the conversation as he was stationed at fort hood back in the day. Thoughts and prayers are with that young man because he is re-listing and debating going into warrant officer training and trying to go back overseas. We wish him the best and pray for his protection!
Finally, I got "suited" up with a harness, googles over my glasses, and got ready to go! At this point, I was trying not to show my nervousness, but really, who wouldnt be nervous. The camera guy did a little pre-jump interview for my memory video, I met my dive master Hoyt, and we got into the little Sesna plane. Again, not trying to show my nervousness, I got in. I think Hoyt and my camera guy (whose name I have already forgotten) were used to nervous people, because they were good at making some small talk over the incredibly loud engine of the plane. I don't think I have over flown in a plane that small...but my nephew did get to fly one last year. :)
We flew up 9500 feet (about two miles) and then got ready to Jump. The camera guy went first so that he could film and take pictures of my terrified face. The I leaned out the door, and basically fell out the door as Hoyt pushed us out from behind. RELAX and smile!
The camera man was right there!
WOW! At this point, it was hard to really look down or do much because of the air pressure. We were traveling at 122+ miles per hour. It was intense. I almost yelled "I quit" although did quickly realize it was too late for that. At that height, the world looks like a google map.
Although, I wasn't really thinking about looking down. Really, it was the most intense part of the ride. Almost painful with the rush of air. not really a sense of falling, almost a sense of being forced to stay in the air from the wind. RELAX and smile!
Then 31 seconds and 5000 feet later, Hoyt opened the chute! It wasn't too bad of a jolt, and once we slowed down and we were under the canopy of the parachute, it was BEAUTIFUL!
It was surreal. It didn't feel like falling, at all. There was not a sensation of "oh my god I am falling to the earth!". It felt like I was just hanging in the air. Just chillin' 4500 feet in the air. Hoyt gave me the reins, so to speak, and let me turn us and do some different tricks in the air. I can totally see why people do this all time. I loved the feeling of flying.
Hoyt was a great dive partner. Very calm and reassuring. I could have hung out there forever! it was just crazy. Hard to describe unless you have done it. Much better than the free fall.
At some point, we could see everyone waiting for us on the ground...including my supportive hubby who was taking pictures. :) But, like all good things, it was time to land. Since it was a windy day, we landed in a sit down land instead of a running land. Not as graceful, but it was a weird let down feeling when we landed. I was a little dizzy at first, feeling that rush of adrenaline leaving my body.
Tony was right there for a big hug! And the camera man was there to capture the reunification. SMILE!
Amazing! It was just amazing! But it happened so quickly! I can totally understand why people do it more than once. It is such a rush, but over too quickly. Hoyt will jump out of that plane 10 times in one day! Wow. How fun would that be! Seriously!
We hung out for about 30 minutes, letting my heart stop racing, my breathing to return to normal, and my video/still pictures to be processed. We also checked on the oU score. We were in the heart of razorback land, but most of the guys knew the score. :)
Finally, after almost two hours, we drove off. Still a tad shaky, but still exhilarated. I can't wait to get to a DVD player and watch my video and a computer to have a chance to upload my still shots from the air. What an amazing experience!!! I hope I get to do it again sometime!!!! Anyone want to go with me?!?
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
God's timing, not my own
On January 5th, 2009, we signed our final paperwork to become foster parents.
On January 12th, 2009, we brought home a five pound, five day old little baby girl. Our first placement.
On September 15th, 2011, we heard that court proceedings are over. Parental rights have been terminated. The little baby girl that we brought home from the hospital almost three years ago is finally and forever going to be ours.
From the first day we had her, we were in love. How can you not be? I remember telling people that the most important thing you can give a newborn (other than lots of formula and clean diapers) is unconditional love. They need to bond with their caregivers.
That is the way God created it to work.
There is so much research that shows that children who do not have solid attachments from birth and at a young age can have major problems later in life. Tony and I knew that, regardless of whose custody she was in, it was our job, our reresponsibility, and our privilege to love her as if she was our own child, to give her a solid stable beginning. This seemed even more important not knowing if she might eventually go back to an environment that was not in her best interest. We talked many times those first months that we wanted to make sure that if she ever went back to her biological parents, that she would have a solid foundation and that if her biological parents ever got overwhelmed, we wanted them to know that we loved their little girl like our own and we would be there to help. Yes, we tried the whole Bridge Concept that DHS tries to sell, but that is not for this post.
I prayed from the first day we held this little girl that God knew the plans for her life and that He was the one who was already protecting her and setting things is motion for His plans of GOOD and not evil, that her future was a hopeful and bright one. We prayed that we would have the wisdom to know what to do and the strength to give our emotion, our love, our energy, and ourselves to her and that He would support and encourage us in whatever path it took.
It is hard to rock a child to sleep every night, to bathe her, to feed her, to watch her grow and celebrate the milestones knowing that she could be taken at any time to be placed in another home or back into an environment that no child should live in.
It is hard to hear people say things like "she looks so much like her mama" or "she has her Daddy's eyes." Or to have someone ask "how much did she weigh when she was born?" and have to either tell a little lie and take a guess or say honestly "i have no idea, but she was xxx when we brought her home." Even something as little as saying "When we got her" instead of "when she was born" and the looks that slip of the tongue can bring.
Over the past three years, we have had moments of heartache and uncertainty. And our times of joy and reassurance. Times when we felt like the system was going to fail our daughter. We fought for her, cried for her, and prayed for her. We waited out court reviews. We trusted the courts. We documented every communication between all parties involved. Those of you who know the story or have dealt with DHS and other systems, you understand. But above all, we put our faith and trust in God, the one who is bigger than the courts, bigger than the caseworkers, and bigger than the red tape and policies of DHS.
So, it just so happened that last Thursday, Lil Miss had pink eye. We were on our way home from the pharmacy when I get a call from her caseworker. Since we were going on a year of waiting on an appeal, every call or email from her or our lawyer made me nervous. I turned off the radio to answer the phone. We were only about two miles from home. The first thing the caseworker said was "I got an email today. The appeal is back and the decision stands. Congratulations." Wow. I think I was speechless. She went onto say she knew this would happen and that God was really looking out for this little girl. (This is our fourth caseworker...and the one we like the most.) I think I asked what next and we chatted for a minute about what the previous caseworker had done or not done and what the adoption worker would do next. She said congratulations again and then we said our goodbyes.
I hung up the phone and started crying. It was like all the tension, all the fear, all the uncertainty was leaving me. I couldn't say anything except "Thank you Jesus." I took a few deep breaths and called Tony, getting his voice mail. It wasn't something I could leave in a message, so I tearfully said "call me at home as soon as you get this." I think I freaked him out a little.
After I pulled in the driveway, I called my mom. Both the kids were asleep in the backseat, so I just got out of the car to talk to her. She answered, and the tears started flowing harder. My mother has been one of the ever present supporters. But I couldn't talk for crying, so I think I mumbled out something like "the appeal came back...it was denied (not sure if that is the right term)...and Dani is going to be ours." She had a ton of questions I could not answer. I had to say "I will call you later."
I was still processing what that meant (and still am). Saying it out loud made it seem unreal. So unreal. Could it be? Finally? Really? Of Course.
God knew. He promised. A future and a hope.
When I got Dani out of the car, I was still crying. She looked confused, which made me laugh. I think I gave her one of the biggest, tightest hugs of her life. Since she really has no clue about any of this, I am sure she thought I was going crazy.
We got inside, ate lunch, and did the normal afternoon routine. In her point of view, Dani's life has not changed. She only knows this. She only knows that she is our daughter. She knows she has a half brother and has spent a few hours with him, but can hardly pick him out a picture. She has spent less than 24 hours with her birth mother. We are her family. She is our family.
She does not understand that the phone call I received has changed, or at least solidified her life.
When I finally got a call back from Tony, I am almost 100% sure he cried also.
We went on with our day. We are going on with our lives. We have another foster child who may or not be our forever child. We will love him and fight for him as long as we have him. I already pray for him as I have always prayed for Dani. God has awesome plans for him. He has a future and a hope and above all, he is God's lil man. Maybe someday, I will have a similar story about him, although hopefully with less drama.
But Daniella Jolie will be our forever child. Her life does have a future and a hope. She is our daughter. Our parents' granddaughter. Our sisters' niece.
How awesome it that?
"For I know that plans I have for you' says the Lord. 'Plans for good and not for evil. To give you a future and a hope." Jer 29:11.
On January 12th, 2009, we brought home a five pound, five day old little baby girl. Our first placement.
On September 15th, 2011, we heard that court proceedings are over. Parental rights have been terminated. The little baby girl that we brought home from the hospital almost three years ago is finally and forever going to be ours.
From the first day we had her, we were in love. How can you not be? I remember telling people that the most important thing you can give a newborn (other than lots of formula and clean diapers) is unconditional love. They need to bond with their caregivers.
That is the way God created it to work.
There is so much research that shows that children who do not have solid attachments from birth and at a young age can have major problems later in life. Tony and I knew that, regardless of whose custody she was in, it was our job, our reresponsibility, and our privilege to love her as if she was our own child, to give her a solid stable beginning. This seemed even more important not knowing if she might eventually go back to an environment that was not in her best interest. We talked many times those first months that we wanted to make sure that if she ever went back to her biological parents, that she would have a solid foundation and that if her biological parents ever got overwhelmed, we wanted them to know that we loved their little girl like our own and we would be there to help. Yes, we tried the whole Bridge Concept that DHS tries to sell, but that is not for this post.
I prayed from the first day we held this little girl that God knew the plans for her life and that He was the one who was already protecting her and setting things is motion for His plans of GOOD and not evil, that her future was a hopeful and bright one. We prayed that we would have the wisdom to know what to do and the strength to give our emotion, our love, our energy, and ourselves to her and that He would support and encourage us in whatever path it took.
It is hard to rock a child to sleep every night, to bathe her, to feed her, to watch her grow and celebrate the milestones knowing that she could be taken at any time to be placed in another home or back into an environment that no child should live in.
It is hard to hear people say things like "she looks so much like her mama" or "she has her Daddy's eyes." Or to have someone ask "how much did she weigh when she was born?" and have to either tell a little lie and take a guess or say honestly "i have no idea, but she was xxx when we brought her home." Even something as little as saying "When we got her" instead of "when she was born" and the looks that slip of the tongue can bring.
Over the past three years, we have had moments of heartache and uncertainty. And our times of joy and reassurance. Times when we felt like the system was going to fail our daughter. We fought for her, cried for her, and prayed for her. We waited out court reviews. We trusted the courts. We documented every communication between all parties involved. Those of you who know the story or have dealt with DHS and other systems, you understand. But above all, we put our faith and trust in God, the one who is bigger than the courts, bigger than the caseworkers, and bigger than the red tape and policies of DHS.
So, it just so happened that last Thursday, Lil Miss had pink eye. We were on our way home from the pharmacy when I get a call from her caseworker. Since we were going on a year of waiting on an appeal, every call or email from her or our lawyer made me nervous. I turned off the radio to answer the phone. We were only about two miles from home. The first thing the caseworker said was "I got an email today. The appeal is back and the decision stands. Congratulations." Wow. I think I was speechless. She went onto say she knew this would happen and that God was really looking out for this little girl. (This is our fourth caseworker...and the one we like the most.) I think I asked what next and we chatted for a minute about what the previous caseworker had done or not done and what the adoption worker would do next. She said congratulations again and then we said our goodbyes.
I hung up the phone and started crying. It was like all the tension, all the fear, all the uncertainty was leaving me. I couldn't say anything except "Thank you Jesus." I took a few deep breaths and called Tony, getting his voice mail. It wasn't something I could leave in a message, so I tearfully said "call me at home as soon as you get this." I think I freaked him out a little.
After I pulled in the driveway, I called my mom. Both the kids were asleep in the backseat, so I just got out of the car to talk to her. She answered, and the tears started flowing harder. My mother has been one of the ever present supporters. But I couldn't talk for crying, so I think I mumbled out something like "the appeal came back...it was denied (not sure if that is the right term)...and Dani is going to be ours." She had a ton of questions I could not answer. I had to say "I will call you later."
I was still processing what that meant (and still am). Saying it out loud made it seem unreal. So unreal. Could it be? Finally? Really? Of Course.
God knew. He promised. A future and a hope.
When I got Dani out of the car, I was still crying. She looked confused, which made me laugh. I think I gave her one of the biggest, tightest hugs of her life. Since she really has no clue about any of this, I am sure she thought I was going crazy.
We got inside, ate lunch, and did the normal afternoon routine. In her point of view, Dani's life has not changed. She only knows this. She only knows that she is our daughter. She knows she has a half brother and has spent a few hours with him, but can hardly pick him out a picture. She has spent less than 24 hours with her birth mother. We are her family. She is our family.
She does not understand that the phone call I received has changed, or at least solidified her life.
When I finally got a call back from Tony, I am almost 100% sure he cried also.
We went on with our day. We are going on with our lives. We have another foster child who may or not be our forever child. We will love him and fight for him as long as we have him. I already pray for him as I have always prayed for Dani. God has awesome plans for him. He has a future and a hope and above all, he is God's lil man. Maybe someday, I will have a similar story about him, although hopefully with less drama.
But Daniella Jolie will be our forever child. Her life does have a future and a hope. She is our daughter. Our parents' granddaughter. Our sisters' niece.
How awesome it that?
"For I know that plans I have for you' says the Lord. 'Plans for good and not for evil. To give you a future and a hope." Jer 29:11.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Listening
Someone mentioned this morning that many parents use baby sign language with their young toddlers before they can talk. We did. Lil Miss was using signs for more, please, thank you, yes, no and a few others before she started talking. She still uses the signs for please and thank you, although we tell her to use her words also now.
I made the comment that when you are a parent or work with young children, it is very obvious that young children, from the time they are infants well into their early school years understand the world around them more than their vocabulary reflects.
The following verse came to mind:
"At that time the disciples came up and asked Jesus, Who then is [really] the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? And He called a little child to Himself and put him in the midst of them, And said, Truly I say to you, unless you repent (change, turn about) and become like little children [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving], you can never enter the kingdom of heaven [at all]. Whoever will humble himself therefore and become like this little child [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving] is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives and accepts and welcomes one little child like this for My sake and in My name receives and accepts and welcomes Me."
Matthew 18:1-5
I started thinking about how children learn to speak...
They learn by listening...
And watching...
Children, by nature, are curious, teachable, and humble. Children are born with a simple faith and trust in their caregivers.
Jesus' words and actions show how much he values children. "unless [I] become as a little child" I will not enter the kingdom of God.
I started thinking this morning that one aspect of becoming like a child that I take for granted is listening. Just as my daughter learns from listening and watching the world around her, I learn more about the nature and character of God by listening to Him. Really listening to Him and His word.
And just as my daughter doesn't always have the words to tell us what she needs, wants, or feels, there are times that I don't have the words to express my needs, wants, or feelings to my Heavenly Daddy. Countless times, I have started praying or worshiping my God only to be at a loss for words of His goodness, His mercy, His love, His (fill in the blank). Or times when my problems and the mess in my world seems to be beyond my words to describe to Him.
I have found myself often thinking "Wouldn't it be great if I could read her mind." when my little girl and I are both frustrated that I don't understand what she is asking for.
Thankfully, our Heavenly Father knows our hearts. Even when we don't have the words to express our thoughts, needs, or feelings...he knows our hearts and our needs. All we need to do is come to Him as a child: listen and trust with simple faith.
I made the comment that when you are a parent or work with young children, it is very obvious that young children, from the time they are infants well into their early school years understand the world around them more than their vocabulary reflects.
The following verse came to mind:
"At that time the disciples came up and asked Jesus, Who then is [really] the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? And He called a little child to Himself and put him in the midst of them, And said, Truly I say to you, unless you repent (change, turn about) and become like little children [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving], you can never enter the kingdom of heaven [at all]. Whoever will humble himself therefore and become like this little child [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving] is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives and accepts and welcomes one little child like this for My sake and in My name receives and accepts and welcomes Me."
Matthew 18:1-5
I started thinking about how children learn to speak...
They learn by listening...
And watching...
Children, by nature, are curious, teachable, and humble. Children are born with a simple faith and trust in their caregivers.
Jesus' words and actions show how much he values children. "unless [I] become as a little child" I will not enter the kingdom of God.
I started thinking this morning that one aspect of becoming like a child that I take for granted is listening. Just as my daughter learns from listening and watching the world around her, I learn more about the nature and character of God by listening to Him. Really listening to Him and His word.
And just as my daughter doesn't always have the words to tell us what she needs, wants, or feels, there are times that I don't have the words to express my needs, wants, or feelings to my Heavenly Daddy. Countless times, I have started praying or worshiping my God only to be at a loss for words of His goodness, His mercy, His love, His (fill in the blank). Or times when my problems and the mess in my world seems to be beyond my words to describe to Him.
I have found myself often thinking "Wouldn't it be great if I could read her mind." when my little girl and I are both frustrated that I don't understand what she is asking for.
Thankfully, our Heavenly Father knows our hearts. Even when we don't have the words to express our thoughts, needs, or feelings...he knows our hearts and our needs. All we need to do is come to Him as a child: listen and trust with simple faith.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Rose Colored Glasses
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| The old me... a mere three years ago |
Thank God for a renewed mind! (Although I still don't really know how to do my hair and make-up haha)
Even now, when I look at my clothes, I have a skewed view of them. I wear size small top and size 4 or 6 jeans, and yet when I hold them up to put them on, I still see a size 12 or 14. I was up to a size 22 at my largest, so seeing myself as a size 12 is coming a long way. When I go shopping, I still gravitate toward larger sizes because they "look right." A matter of old habits dying hard... probably.
Pictures are issue too. Since I was a teenager, I HATED having my picture taken. Love to take pictures... hate to be in them. The reason then, I did not like myself or the way I looked. Major self-esteem issues, but that's for another blog. When I look at old pictures now, I think "who in the heck is that person with my face?" When I look at new pictures of me, I think "who in the heck is that person with my face?" I am caught in this weird middle ground where I don't really recognize either the old physical me or the new physical me. I realized in the last few days as I have been organizing and uploading pictures that I have very few pictures of me...from the last 5 years that I have had a digital camera and I am sure if I look back at my prints from before my digital age, their would be few of me there as well.
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| the new me...Thanksgiving 2010 |
My goal: to get more pictures of me. :)
Thank God for a renewed mind!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Adopting Children
Tonight, my thoughts and prayers are with all the parents who have adopted children and teens. I am specifically talking about parents who chose to take into their family a child who has known another family, who had/has a mother and a father that they loved, whether it was a healthy environment or not. A child who may have sisters and brothers they have already grown up with and held onto for support in the midst of chaos. A child who, for various reasons, have been removed from or lost their family due to circumstances out of their control.
To love unconditionally a child you have since infancy, even if they are not biologically yours is one thing.
But...
To love unconditionally a child who comes to you with a past. With more history and baggage than any adult should have, let alone a 6 year old, a 12 year old, or a 16 should have.
To bring a child into your family, knowing one day they may turn there back and resent you.
To hold and comfort and support a child whose world has just fallen apart and help them put it back together.
To not know what unseen scars your child may have or how deep they may run.
To all of you, these words of Christ are especially true: "Whatever you do unto the least of these, you do unto me."
I don't know if I could do it.
God bless and keep you.
To love unconditionally a child you have since infancy, even if they are not biologically yours is one thing.
But...
To love unconditionally a child who comes to you with a past. With more history and baggage than any adult should have, let alone a 6 year old, a 12 year old, or a 16 should have.
To bring a child into your family, knowing one day they may turn there back and resent you.
To hold and comfort and support a child whose world has just fallen apart and help them put it back together.
To not know what unseen scars your child may have or how deep they may run.
To all of you, these words of Christ are especially true: "Whatever you do unto the least of these, you do unto me."
I don't know if I could do it.
God bless and keep you.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Statistical Soapbox
OKLAHOMA CITY (January 25, 2011) -- New results from the 2009 National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP) released today show most Oklahoma students are not proficient in science. Seventy-two percent of Oklahoma fourth-graders taking the test and 75 percent of eighth-graders taking the test fell below “proficient” - meaning they scored at “basic” or “below basic.”
State Superintendent of Public Instruction Janet Barresi said the scores come just as Oklahoma students are entering a new testing period for NAEP, beginning this week and running until March 4. Barresi urged the more than 300 Oklahoma schools selected for NAEP testing to ensure that teachers and parents understand the critical importance of the exams.
The science assessment is administered to a sample of students from each state by the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES), which is an arm of the U.S. Department of Education. NAEP measures students‟ knowledge and abilities in the areas of physical science, life science, and Earth and space sciences. Only 28 percent of Oklahoma fourth-graders scored at “proficient” or “advanced,” while only 24 percent of eighth-graders scored at the same levels. In each case, Oklahoma scored four percentage points below the national average."
State Superintendent of Public Instruction Janet Barresi said the scores come just as Oklahoma students are entering a new testing period for NAEP, beginning this week and running until March 4. Barresi urged the more than 300 Oklahoma schools selected for NAEP testing to ensure that teachers and parents understand the critical importance of the exams.
The science assessment is administered to a sample of students from each state by the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES), which is an arm of the U.S. Department of Education. NAEP measures students‟ knowledge and abilities in the areas of physical science, life science, and Earth and space sciences. Only 28 percent of Oklahoma fourth-graders scored at “proficient” or “advanced,” while only 24 percent of eighth-graders scored at the same levels. In each case, Oklahoma scored four percentage points below the national average."
Okay...just a few point to ponder tonight about this article because it really irritates me.
The test is not designed to be used as a gauge for states to use. That is not the purpose of this assessment. That is why it is only given to a sample of students. It is not based on a curriculum. It is not a test you prepare kids for or teach towards. It was originally designed to identify the top 20% of students. I think the fact that we were so close to the national average is a positive thing, not something to be ignored or down played to use to support ones agenda. And if a person in a political office is going to use such data, I would appreciate a little bit more back ground knowledge. Don't let it become a scare tactic and use it for the shock value.
Oh...and maybe define the terms. It might be important to know that "basic" means that they have a fairly good understanding, but are not in the upper 25%. "Basic" doesn't mean "failed." Again, once you understand the purpose and goals of the test, you have a better understanding of the terminology.
In fact - the 4th grade test in any given subject can pull content from the listed science topics at anywhere from a 1st grade to 8th grade level. The 8th grade test pulls from 4th grade through 12th grade material. It is the same for all the content areas.
SO...imagine your 4th grader shows up at school one day. Her district has been "randomly" chosen out of those in her state, her school has been "randomly" chosen out of those in her district, and then she has been "randomly" chosen out of her peers to take a test. She is ushered out of her class, with probably little to no notice and put in a room with other randomly selected students and given a test in a format and with content she may never have seen.
If I have a state mandated, district supported curriculum that may or may not match up to the NAEP framework (the vague outline for all that could possibly be on the test)...which do I teach? If the NAEP test gives open ended, free response questions and all we give in our state is multiple choice, what will our students be comfortable with?
My irritation is not the test itself but when politicians and states use the statistics to bolster their own agenda with little to no regard for the meaning. We, as a consuming public in general, are not very well informed sometimes and politicians (ON both sides) use this to their advantage. It really bothers me.
Do our public schools need a face lift? Absolutly!!
Do we need national standards and national assessments? Absolutely.
Do we need to increase the rigor and quality of those standards? Heck Yes!
Do we need to hold teachers AND students accountable? Well of course!
Do we have any clue how to do that effectively? Apparently not.
Does any body have a magic wand?!? :)
:) I am done. I really do love being a teacher. I just get irritated sometimes.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Stolen post...from MrsMorris..but she says what I have feeling so much better!
Last night I had a really good talk with God. It was one of those talks that consisted more of weeping than actual praying. In the midst of the Kleenex and mascara trails on my face, I came to the realization that I have not been living a Proverbs 3:5 life recently. I have not been trusting Him with all of my heart; I have been leaning on my own understanding. I’ve relied on my own feeble smarts. BAD IDEA!
The solution He showed me through my mucus-filled quiet time to lead me to the path of change is a verse that keeps coming up in life: “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
I have to stop everything I’m doing if I want to hear from Him. This seems elemental, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult. Stop doing the laundry. Stop watching whatever is on TV. Stop playing Words With Friends. Yes, God is more important!
I used to be so good at this habit, but I have grown out of it. Now my goal is to grow back into the habit of being still, and knowing that He is God – knowing that I can do nothing about my current circumstances, but He is All Powerful and All-Sufficient. So my #1 goal for 2011 is to have at least one “date night” with God every week. This is an extension from my daily quiet time. This is an extended period of time to enjoy His company, and to be still.
The solution He showed me through my mucus-filled quiet time to lead me to the path of change is a verse that keeps coming up in life: “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
I have to stop everything I’m doing if I want to hear from Him. This seems elemental, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult. Stop doing the laundry. Stop watching whatever is on TV. Stop playing Words With Friends. Yes, God is more important!
I used to be so good at this habit, but I have grown out of it. Now my goal is to grow back into the habit of being still, and knowing that He is God – knowing that I can do nothing about my current circumstances, but He is All Powerful and All-Sufficient. So my #1 goal for 2011 is to have at least one “date night” with God every week. This is an extension from my daily quiet time. This is an extended period of time to enjoy His company, and to be still.
Friday, January 21, 2011
We are all children...
I am still listening to "Purpose Driven Life...for Commuters." Short snippets of wisdom from the book. Yesterday's snippet was short, sweet, and simple. It was also a topic that I know I take for granted...what it means to be a child of God and to bring Him pleasure as His child.
It reminded me that our first purpose in life is to bring pleasure to God just as a child brings pleasure to his/her parent. Since I started on my journey with Christ back in middle school, I have know that I was a "child of God." I remember I heard someone pray using "Abba Father" and "Daddy God." Those references made God seem more real, more close, and more approachable and I started using them when I prayed. Although ABBA was a Swedish Rock band from the 70's, it is also Greek for Father. Praying to my Abba, my Daddy God, my Heavenly Father has always felt right. It is hard to explain, but when I come to Him in prayer as His child, it seems to bring me closer and makes me feel like He is listening.
I don't think I truly understood the metaphor of God the Father until I was a parent. Being a parent has brought me closer in relationship with my Heavenly Father. I can't speak as a parent who has given birth to my "own child." Our Lil Miss is going to be adopted into our family, grafted into our family, just as we have been grafted into the family of God. I love this little girl more than life itself. I love watching her grow, watching her learn. Her smile makes me smile, her tears and hurt can bring me to tears. When she misbehaves and throws a little fit, although frustrated, I truly just want to help her learn to do and be better. (ask me again when she is 16....and her misbehavior is more than throwing a sippy cup on the floor or throwing a fit when it is time to get dressed....).
This is the way God sees me. I am His child. He takes pleasure in my happiness. He wants me to be happy, healthy, and whole. He wants me to use what he has given me for His Glory. He lets me make my own decisions and wants me to learn from them. When they are good decisions, He rejoices with me. When they are bad decisions, He crys with me and wants me to learn. He is there to help me get back on track. He forgives, forgets, and helps me move forward. When I am hurt, lonely, sad, or dejected, He holds me and comforts me, just as a Daddy holds and comforts His child...just as I hold and comfort my little one.
How humbling is that!
I am more than thankful for my mother and my father. I am blessed that I had them. And my heart aches for all the children who do not have an earthly mother or father to show them love and acceptance and security. These children hold a special place in our Heavenly Father's heart. They are at the heart of Jesus' words "Whatever you do unto the least of these, you do unto me."(Matt 25:40). But that is a whole other blog entry ;)
Some points to ponder from Purpose Driven Life:
It reminded me that our first purpose in life is to bring pleasure to God just as a child brings pleasure to his/her parent. Since I started on my journey with Christ back in middle school, I have know that I was a "child of God." I remember I heard someone pray using "Abba Father" and "Daddy God." Those references made God seem more real, more close, and more approachable and I started using them when I prayed. Although ABBA was a Swedish Rock band from the 70's, it is also Greek for Father. Praying to my Abba, my Daddy God, my Heavenly Father has always felt right. It is hard to explain, but when I come to Him in prayer as His child, it seems to bring me closer and makes me feel like He is listening.
I don't think I truly understood the metaphor of God the Father until I was a parent. Being a parent has brought me closer in relationship with my Heavenly Father. I can't speak as a parent who has given birth to my "own child." Our Lil Miss is going to be adopted into our family, grafted into our family, just as we have been grafted into the family of God. I love this little girl more than life itself. I love watching her grow, watching her learn. Her smile makes me smile, her tears and hurt can bring me to tears. When she misbehaves and throws a little fit, although frustrated, I truly just want to help her learn to do and be better. (ask me again when she is 16....and her misbehavior is more than throwing a sippy cup on the floor or throwing a fit when it is time to get dressed....). This is the way God sees me. I am His child. He takes pleasure in my happiness. He wants me to be happy, healthy, and whole. He wants me to use what he has given me for His Glory. He lets me make my own decisions and wants me to learn from them. When they are good decisions, He rejoices with me. When they are bad decisions, He crys with me and wants me to learn. He is there to help me get back on track. He forgives, forgets, and helps me move forward. When I am hurt, lonely, sad, or dejected, He holds me and comforts me, just as a Daddy holds and comforts His child...just as I hold and comfort my little one.
How humbling is that!
I am more than thankful for my mother and my father. I am blessed that I had them. And my heart aches for all the children who do not have an earthly mother or father to show them love and acceptance and security. These children hold a special place in our Heavenly Father's heart. They are at the heart of Jesus' words "Whatever you do unto the least of these, you do unto me."(Matt 25:40). But that is a whole other blog entry ;)
Some points to ponder from Purpose Driven Life:
5 Things that Make God Smile
1) When I Love Him above all else
2) When I Trust Him completely, even when I can't see the big picture.
3) When I Obey Him wholeheartedly, obedience unlocks understanding. Even if I don't know the why or when I can't see the whole picture. Trust and Obey go hand in hand.
4) When I Praise Him for who He is and Thank Him for what He does
5) When I Use the talents He has given me.
Verse for the day: Psalm 147:11
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Growing up
I had several of those "She is getting so big" moments in the last few days watching Lil Miss. Many of my friends talk about how it sometimes makes them sad seeing their little ones growing up, but I love watching every new discovery, hearing every new phrase, seeing every new dance.
She is growing up and is doing so incredibly well. She understands so much and seems to soak in new words and experiences. Playing the piano the other day she was swaying to her music and popping her shoulders. I also walked in on her giving her baby kisses in her highchair.Her new thing is throwing Tea Parties. She brings her Tinkerbell tea set out of the closet (where I hid it) and says "Mama party. Sit here with me." and pats the floor next to her. She pulls out all the cups and bowls and pours tea into all the cups like she has tea every day. Yesterday, Daddy told her that his tea was too hot, she says "its ok Daddy, i fix it" and put his tea cup in the oven on her play kitchen. We realized tonight when Daddy put her dinner in the fridge for a few minutes to cool it off, that she was doing the same thing to his tea yesterday, having watched me do that a few times.
We only let her take certain sippy cups to her room, as some leak and others don't. When she is watching a movie (aka Tinkerbell) in her room, she will ask for a drink. Then she holds it and asks "room?" asking permission to take the cup to her room. If we say no, she puts it on her table in the kitchen. If we say yes, she takes it to her room, puts it in the cup holder of her way cool OU recliner, climbs in and relaxes with her drink. (Sometimes she does throw a little fit if I say no, but she actually does pretty well...she throws fits about not getting candy almost all the time.. ;))This morning, Daddy was still in bed when me and her were getting ready to go (darn him and his flex days...). She climbed up on the bed and said "me stay here." I joked with her teacher when I stopped in to tell them that she would not be coming to school that she already knows how to sweet talk Daddy into staying home from school .
When I got home from work, I heard her giggling inside the door. I opened it and she yells "Surprise!" Then "Mama...sketties, hurry." Since spaghetti is her all time favorite dinner, as well as Daddy's, I knew that we were having it for dinner and she was excited to tell me about it...and to eat it. She ate almost everything on her plate, with her fork, making a minimal mess. And is drinking from a big girl cup at the table!
It makes my heart happy to see her growing and learning. I love it! I take tons of pictures and cherish every moment, but I am thankful everyday that she is growing into a happy and healthy "little" big girl.
Our prayer every night before we go to bed is "I love you Jesus. Thank you for this day. Bless my Mommy and my Daddy. Keep me happy and healthy. In Jesus Name, Amen!" I am thankful that God knows His great plans for her and is already beginning to work them out in her life!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Not much to say tonight...
I am trying to post something every other day at least, but I am not feeling it tonight. Dani is in bed, Daddy is playing football on the play station, and Mama needs to go to bed. I am super tired for some reason today.
But a point to ponder: How do you picture life? What is your life "metaphor?" Is life a party? a race? a battle? a game? a test? a waste? a stepping stone?
Your life metaphor will influence what you do, how you act, and what you treasure.
So.. fill in the blank: Life is ______________.
But a point to ponder: How do you picture life? What is your life "metaphor?" Is life a party? a race? a battle? a game? a test? a waste? a stepping stone?
Your life metaphor will influence what you do, how you act, and what you treasure.
So.. fill in the blank: Life is ______________.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Lil Miss's 2nd Birthday!
Today we celebrated Lil Miss’s 2nd Birthday. We had a great time. It is 
days like today that I am truly, truly grateful for my family and friends. My family from Tulsa came down before lunch, Tony’s family came around lunch time, and we had some friends from here join us for the party. Tinkerbell 2011 was a success! I sat down at 7:30 after everyone had gone, and realized all I had eaten all day was part of a hamburger, a piece of cake, and a half a dozen little smokies.
We tried to encourage less gifts for this birthday. She has more toys and clothes than she needs and it is more important and awesome to be able to spend time with friends and family. Thank you to all for what she did get today. She got her more loving family rooms for her dollhouse (which she already loves), a Little Mommy doll (which Megan said was on clearance… and I understand why…it talks every time it moves..lol. It says cute things like “I want to play with Mama.”), a Build-A-Bear gift certificate (I think she will really like doing that…2 is going to be so much fun), a Princess CD
player, a talking horsey that she can ride on (the kind with the springs), a cool Elmo that you build out of blocks, some Tinkerbell odds and ins… and a Ford F150 Power Wheels (which was a joint gift from many family members). I think she had a good time. My mom later told me that she looked like she was in awe the whole time... that made me feel good. :) More than anything, I just want to make these memories happy for her. That is the important thing. Happy memories, security, love, and space to learn and grow.
days like today that I am truly, truly grateful for my family and friends. My family from Tulsa came down before lunch, Tony’s family came around lunch time, and we had some friends from here join us for the party. Tinkerbell 2011 was a success! I sat down at 7:30 after everyone had gone, and realized all I had eaten all day was part of a hamburger, a piece of cake, and a half a dozen little smokies.We tried to encourage less gifts for this birthday. She has more toys and clothes than she needs and it is more important and awesome to be able to spend time with friends and family. Thank you to all for what she did get today. She got her more loving family rooms for her dollhouse (which she already loves), a Little Mommy doll (which Megan said was on clearance… and I understand why…it talks every time it moves..lol. It says cute things like “I want to play with Mama.”), a Build-A-Bear gift certificate (I think she will really like doing that…2 is going to be so much fun), a Princess CD
player, a talking horsey that she can ride on (the kind with the springs), a cool Elmo that you build out of blocks, some Tinkerbell odds and ins… and a Ford F150 Power Wheels (which was a joint gift from many family members). I think she had a good time. My mom later told me that she looked like she was in awe the whole time... that made me feel good. :) More than anything, I just want to make these memories happy for her. That is the important thing. Happy memories, security, love, and space to learn and grow.I have never really thrown a birthday party before today. Last year, when she turned one, we did more of a family dinner with cake and presents. We had 6 little guests under the age of 3, 4 more under the age of 12, and my teenage nephew (any more I count him as one
of the adults). 
We would have had four more kids at the party, but they had to cancel at the last minute. I feel very blessed for Dani that she has so many cousins her age and that we have some friends who have kids her age. I love getting them all together to play, and I know it will be more important to continue that as they get older.
It has been a crazy two years. Dani has come a long way, and I think she is an amazing, happy, well-rounded, and intelligent little girl. I am beyond blessed to have the responsibility and opportunity to be her parent. God has entrusted us with one of His most precious. I pray for strength and wisdom to teach her and help her grow!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Unselfish acts
Ok, so Lil Miss had a "closure" visit with her birth mother yesterday. This visit went ok because Lil Miss is an amazing loving girl and they were at the library that we spend much time, so she was in a comfortable place. The visit is apparently DHS policy and a compromise with a caseworker and birth mother who wanted regular visits to continue after rights have been terminated.
My prayer is that God will work on this woman's heart. As frustrated and angry as I am at this woman, she has given the world a special gift... Lil Miss (and two other children who are as special as she is). I pray that God uses the visit yesterday to help her see that her child is in the right place. That she needs to let her go because that is what is in her best interest. The case worker reported that bio mom made many comments about how smart, well rounded, happy, ect... that Lil Miss is. I pray that this helps her see that her daughter is loved, secure, and well taken care of. I pray that she finds closure and moves on to get help with her own life.
I know that God has a plan for Lil Miss. I know that God is bigger than DHS, the courts, and our own wants, fears, and desires. I am secure in knowing that Lil Miss is in His Big Hands. My heart also aches for closure, so we also can move on. I know it will happen. I know that I do not control the timing.
All of this is in the wake of a stories that has the opposite ending. Stories of unselfish acts by other birth mothers and birth fathers. We recently found out that the other two children who we had in our home for an extended amount of time are either in the process of being adopted by the families they are with and about to be in that process. Both had birth fathers who were terminated by default (didn't make any effort) and birth mothers who relinquished their rights, knowing that their children needed them to let them go. We have friends who recently finalized an adoption of two precious little sisters whose birth mother also made this decision, and another who is going to finalize within the next few months, also after birth parents relinquished.
What an amazing unselfish gift. What a gift to give to your child. As foster parents, we are almost daily frustrated with birth parents and what they do and don't do. But to say "I know I need to let my child, my flesh and blood go so that they can have a life better than I can provide..." Wow. I pray for all those mothers and fathers who have made this choice for whatever reason. I pray that in the end, their will be no regrets. That they will always know they made the right decision.
My prayer is that God will work on this woman's heart. As frustrated and angry as I am at this woman, she has given the world a special gift... Lil Miss (and two other children who are as special as she is). I pray that God uses the visit yesterday to help her see that her child is in the right place. That she needs to let her go because that is what is in her best interest. The case worker reported that bio mom made many comments about how smart, well rounded, happy, ect... that Lil Miss is. I pray that this helps her see that her daughter is loved, secure, and well taken care of. I pray that she finds closure and moves on to get help with her own life.
I know that God has a plan for Lil Miss. I know that God is bigger than DHS, the courts, and our own wants, fears, and desires. I am secure in knowing that Lil Miss is in His Big Hands. My heart also aches for closure, so we also can move on. I know it will happen. I know that I do not control the timing.
All of this is in the wake of a stories that has the opposite ending. Stories of unselfish acts by other birth mothers and birth fathers. We recently found out that the other two children who we had in our home for an extended amount of time are either in the process of being adopted by the families they are with and about to be in that process. Both had birth fathers who were terminated by default (didn't make any effort) and birth mothers who relinquished their rights, knowing that their children needed them to let them go. We have friends who recently finalized an adoption of two precious little sisters whose birth mother also made this decision, and another who is going to finalize within the next few months, also after birth parents relinquished.
What an amazing unselfish gift. What a gift to give to your child. As foster parents, we are almost daily frustrated with birth parents and what they do and don't do. But to say "I know I need to let my child, my flesh and blood go so that they can have a life better than I can provide..." Wow. I pray for all those mothers and fathers who have made this choice for whatever reason. I pray that in the end, their will be no regrets. That they will always know they made the right decision.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Living on purpose is the path to living in peace..
A few years ago during my master's program, we read a book called the "The Power of Being Mindful." I am not sure what class it was in, but the book was about Living Mindfully, or being aware and being in the moment. As a education major, the discussions centered around how to teach our students to be mindful, but it was also one of the books and topics that stuck. We, as a society in general, are multi-taskers. As I am typing this, I have my my computer open to four programs, listening to music, checking my text messages as they come in, and drinking a diet coke. Am I being mindful of all of those tasks at once? Can I be truly mindful of any one of them?
I was watching my daughter tonight watching her Tinker bell Movie. She was completely in the moment, completely mindful of the movie. Her focus was intent. She would not be distracted or swayed. Sometimes, childlike simplicity is the best way to be mindful.
I need to be mindful more often. This afternoon, one of my TA's was talking to me, and I noticed an email and starting reading it at the same time. I finished the email and looked up as she was finishing her comment and was looking at me expectantly, waiting for a response. I had to say "I am so sorry... I was reading this email." My student sitting at the table with us working on Math said "Oh...Burn Mrs Baade..." I should have given her my full attention.
How often do we really live mindfully?
Living mindfully goes hand in hand with living with a purpose. I was created to have purpose and know my purpose. Without living mindfully, I might miss my purpose, but if I am mindful of the wrong things, I may also miss my purpose. Knowing and being mindful of my purpose can help simplify and streamline my life. It also focuses my life. My effort and energy will become concentrated on what is important. "You become effective by being selective." Aimless direction and over committing to things that are not part of my purpose will only pull me down.
"You Lord give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in You." Isaiah 26:3
Point to Ponder from Purpose Driven Life: "You not put on this earth to be remembered. You were put on earth to do your part to make a difference for eternity. What would your friends and family say is your driving force in life?
I was watching my daughter tonight watching her Tinker bell Movie. She was completely in the moment, completely mindful of the movie. Her focus was intent. She would not be distracted or swayed. Sometimes, childlike simplicity is the best way to be mindful.
I need to be mindful more often. This afternoon, one of my TA's was talking to me, and I noticed an email and starting reading it at the same time. I finished the email and looked up as she was finishing her comment and was looking at me expectantly, waiting for a response. I had to say "I am so sorry... I was reading this email." My student sitting at the table with us working on Math said "Oh...Burn Mrs Baade..." I should have given her my full attention.
How often do we really live mindfully?
Living mindfully goes hand in hand with living with a purpose. I was created to have purpose and know my purpose. Without living mindfully, I might miss my purpose, but if I am mindful of the wrong things, I may also miss my purpose. Knowing and being mindful of my purpose can help simplify and streamline my life. It also focuses my life. My effort and energy will become concentrated on what is important. "You become effective by being selective." Aimless direction and over committing to things that are not part of my purpose will only pull me down.
"You Lord give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in You." Isaiah 26:3
Point to Ponder from Purpose Driven Life: "You not put on this earth to be remembered. You were put on earth to do your part to make a difference for eternity. What would your friends and family say is your driving force in life?
Monday, January 3, 2011
You are Not an Accident
Day 1 back at school was good. Students and teachers alike always seem to have a hard time coming back after long breaks. Many students confessed to late night PlayStation Action or too much time texting or simply to use to sleeping til noon (as if two weeks could form a new and lasting habit..... well....maybe two weeks is enough because I had a hard time getting up too), hence the reason they were unable to function and why they forgot all about math. Middle school students are great!
I love Norman Public Schools. I love the things we can offer, the services we can provide. I attended a high school very similar to Norman, so I am a little bias. I have seen some not so good schools. It always makes my heart ache just a little when I see a student with the potential to succeed (but also the potential to fall the other way very quickly) leave us. Not always because where they go is worse or not as good as Norman, but because I don't like not knowing, not being able to help.
I learned today that one of my students, who always brings a smile to my face, transferred to an Oklahoma City school. This student is on the fringes. I am sad to see them go. I pray that they are able to find the right teacher, mentor, and friends at the new school to keep the progress they have made with us going. They has come a long way, with behavior and academics, and I hate to say goodbye. Said student was in our charge for a season... for a purpose.
On a brighter note, I was very excited to speak with our Language Arts Coach today about another one of my struggling students. Said student is probably on a 1st grade reading level, if that. This student struggles with basic phonics and phonemic awareness (all you teacher types will understand) as well as behavior issues. It was good to bounce ideas and get some advice as to how to help. Will this student ever be on grade level enough to pass a standardized test.. maybe, maybe not. Can we help them learn the skills to be successful. Absolutely. Said student has come along way...and I am excited to help them go further!
___________________________________________________________________
Purpose Driven Life Day 2 - Seriously, I think I am getting very sentimental. PDL is a 3 minute little mini-lesson...and every time I think I could write a book about it....
As we march on toward Lil Miss's 2nd birthday, I am amazed at how her little life has been so special and protected. Her birth parents may have thought they "wanted" a baby, a "family," but did not take the steps to protect her before and after she was born. But God knew. I am daily amazed at her progress, her abilities, her smile, her love. She had many things going against her even before she was born, in man's eyes. But in God's eyes, she has always been perfect for His purpose. "You saw me before I was born, every day is recorded in Your book." It was not a mistake that she was born or that she was brought into our lives.
God's motive for creating us was love. God is love. He is perfect love. He didn't make us because He needed more love, but because He wanted us. Being a parent, I see things through a different lens than I ever have before. I can never understand the love God has for me fully, but as I am beginning to understand the love of a parent more every day, I feel myself drawn into a deeper understanding of His love.
One the flip side, it took me a LONG time to understand my purpose and that I was created for God's purpose. Even when I was active in my church youth group, serving overseas on mission trips, and counseling others in His word, I still questioned His purpose for me. Many of my close friends (and now anyone who reads this...) know that for many years, I thought about and even planned how I would take my own life.... and during most of that time, I was serving in my church, praying with teens about these kind of issues in their lives. Ironic huh. I don't know that I would say I was being hypocritical. I believed (as I still do) that Jesus could heal and save others. I just had a hard time believing it for myself. God used good friends and a supportive family to bring me back to my senses, although it was a long and rough process at times. And I would be lying if I said I didn't still think about it on occasion (very rare occasions these days). When I listen to and read about how God has a purpose for my life, I think about how blinded I was by my own shortcomings, my own weakness, and my own emotions. God is the reason I am here, the reason I am who I am.
Isaiah 44:2 "I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born." I praise God that I can finally believe that for myself.
I love Norman Public Schools. I love the things we can offer, the services we can provide. I attended a high school very similar to Norman, so I am a little bias. I have seen some not so good schools. It always makes my heart ache just a little when I see a student with the potential to succeed (but also the potential to fall the other way very quickly) leave us. Not always because where they go is worse or not as good as Norman, but because I don't like not knowing, not being able to help.
I learned today that one of my students, who always brings a smile to my face, transferred to an Oklahoma City school. This student is on the fringes. I am sad to see them go. I pray that they are able to find the right teacher, mentor, and friends at the new school to keep the progress they have made with us going. They has come a long way, with behavior and academics, and I hate to say goodbye. Said student was in our charge for a season... for a purpose.
On a brighter note, I was very excited to speak with our Language Arts Coach today about another one of my struggling students. Said student is probably on a 1st grade reading level, if that. This student struggles with basic phonics and phonemic awareness (all you teacher types will understand) as well as behavior issues. It was good to bounce ideas and get some advice as to how to help. Will this student ever be on grade level enough to pass a standardized test.. maybe, maybe not. Can we help them learn the skills to be successful. Absolutely. Said student has come along way...and I am excited to help them go further!
___________________________________________________________________
Purpose Driven Life Day 2 - Seriously, I think I am getting very sentimental. PDL is a 3 minute little mini-lesson...and every time I think I could write a book about it....
As we march on toward Lil Miss's 2nd birthday, I am amazed at how her little life has been so special and protected. Her birth parents may have thought they "wanted" a baby, a "family," but did not take the steps to protect her before and after she was born. But God knew. I am daily amazed at her progress, her abilities, her smile, her love. She had many things going against her even before she was born, in man's eyes. But in God's eyes, she has always been perfect for His purpose. "You saw me before I was born, every day is recorded in Your book." It was not a mistake that she was born or that she was brought into our lives.
God's motive for creating us was love. God is love. He is perfect love. He didn't make us because He needed more love, but because He wanted us. Being a parent, I see things through a different lens than I ever have before. I can never understand the love God has for me fully, but as I am beginning to understand the love of a parent more every day, I feel myself drawn into a deeper understanding of His love.
One the flip side, it took me a LONG time to understand my purpose and that I was created for God's purpose. Even when I was active in my church youth group, serving overseas on mission trips, and counseling others in His word, I still questioned His purpose for me. Many of my close friends (and now anyone who reads this...) know that for many years, I thought about and even planned how I would take my own life.... and during most of that time, I was serving in my church, praying with teens about these kind of issues in their lives. Ironic huh. I don't know that I would say I was being hypocritical. I believed (as I still do) that Jesus could heal and save others. I just had a hard time believing it for myself. God used good friends and a supportive family to bring me back to my senses, although it was a long and rough process at times. And I would be lying if I said I didn't still think about it on occasion (very rare occasions these days). When I listen to and read about how God has a purpose for my life, I think about how blinded I was by my own shortcomings, my own weakness, and my own emotions. God is the reason I am here, the reason I am who I am.
Isaiah 44:2 "I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born." I praise God that I can finally believe that for myself.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
First Post of 2011
I am listening to a "Purpose Driven Life - Commuter Version". Little snippet devotions once a day for 40 days. I may or may not post my reflections, but I thought it would be a good way to start.
Day 1 - What is your purpose? To discover the purpose of an invention, one must ask the inventor. We may be able to guess at its use, and probably get pretty close. But wouldn't it be better to ask the inventor. I got a Ipad for Christmas. I can honestly say that I have no idea the extent of what it can do... I need to take a trip to the nearest Apple store. I can do some pretty cool stuff, but I haven't unlocked all that it is capable of. In the same light, I think I know part of God's purpose for my life. I think I have accomplished and see some of what He has for me...but I know that what He has in store is bigger than I could ask, think, or imagine and in order to fully understand His purpose for me, I MUST be in contact with Him. I don't fully comprehend His love, grace, mercy, judgment...I might never fully understand it.
Part of my purpose is to seek that out, to have a relationship with Him. God's purpose for me goes beyond my career, my spouse, my day to day. My purpose was chosen for me before I was born. God knew me, knew who I would become, knows my strengths and weaknesses, and even the number of hairs on my head. His purpose for me is for good, to give me a future and a hope. It fits into His bigger plan, far beyond what I can ask or imagine.
Point to Ponder: Its not about me. Ever.
Day 1 - What is your purpose? To discover the purpose of an invention, one must ask the inventor. We may be able to guess at its use, and probably get pretty close. But wouldn't it be better to ask the inventor. I got a Ipad for Christmas. I can honestly say that I have no idea the extent of what it can do... I need to take a trip to the nearest Apple store. I can do some pretty cool stuff, but I haven't unlocked all that it is capable of. In the same light, I think I know part of God's purpose for my life. I think I have accomplished and see some of what He has for me...but I know that what He has in store is bigger than I could ask, think, or imagine and in order to fully understand His purpose for me, I MUST be in contact with Him. I don't fully comprehend His love, grace, mercy, judgment...I might never fully understand it.
Part of my purpose is to seek that out, to have a relationship with Him. God's purpose for me goes beyond my career, my spouse, my day to day. My purpose was chosen for me before I was born. God knew me, knew who I would become, knows my strengths and weaknesses, and even the number of hairs on my head. His purpose for me is for good, to give me a future and a hope. It fits into His bigger plan, far beyond what I can ask or imagine.
Point to Ponder: Its not about me. Ever.
Colossians 1:16: For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.
Since I already missed January 1st, I am not sure if daily blogging is my cup of tea, but we shall see. I felt like I need to commentate on what has been going on in the past year in order to move forward. This is not the whole story, but enough to give a little background. (All names and identities have been changed to protect the innocent).
I honestly can not believe it is already the year 2011. It is ridiculously crazy how fast time has flown. Looking back, the last 18 months of my life have been a crazy roller coaster of emotions and situations. A year ago, we had three children, now we have one. Within the last three years, I have gone from a regular ole' math teacher, to a state curriculum person, to a math and language arts teacher. That in and of itself has been a major learning curve. I struggle daily with knowing if I am doing right by my students, but I just do the best I can and learn as I go. I am thankful to be surrounded by
Mr. T came to us in November 2009, a few weeks before Thanksgiving. Tony picked him up at 7 at night from the NICU where he had spent the first 11 days of life. Mr. T was a drug exposed baby, born to a virtually homeless young mother. He cried, fussed, threw up everything he ate, and was very sensitive to being overstimulated by lights and noise. Mr. T left us almost 5 months later, the week before Easter 2010. When he left, he was finally sleeping through the night, was starting to sit up, and was doing incredibly well. Although I cried when he left, I had a peace about where he was going and we have since learned that the kinship placement he went to is now his forever home. :)
Big Man came to us Sept 1, 2009. He was only going to be with us for a few weeks, because DHS kept saying there was a kinship placement for him.... a few weeks turned into a year (minus a day). Big Man was a lovable, yet sneaky, active, and ornery 5 year old. He was the first child that we tried..I mean tried...to do the "bridge" parenting with his bio mom. We supervised weekly visits with mom, siblings, grandfather, aunts and uncles. We had a family birthday party, thanksgiving dinner, Christmas dinner. We had bio mom out to our home. We met mom two or three times a week to pick up after her unsupervised visits started....and it still all feel apart for her. Big Man is now with a new hopefully "forever family." He is very loved, very well taken care of, and is doing very well, all things considered. I continue to pray for him, his bio family (he has many sisters, cousins, aunts and uncles who all love him), and his new family. What a major adjustment for him and those who love him.
And then there is Lil Miss. Her story is way to long and complicated to even begin to go into here. She has been with us since she was only days old and will be a full fledged two year old in a week. It is our hope and prayer that by the end of 2011, she will be legally ours, however, in our hearts she already is ours.
When Big Man, being 5, came to our home it was obvious that he had a mama that he adored and loved, so the love I have for him was always through that lens. I don't think I ever saw myself as his Mommy and I knew he didn't want me to be his Mommy. I cared for him. Love him still...and always will love him. I wanted to protect him and make sure that everything in his life was working toward the plans God had for him. I tried to help nurture his relationship with his bio mom, as it looked like he would be going home to her. But I never saw him as my son the way I see Lil Miss as my daughter.
With Mr. T, there was more attachment, but I think I always knew that he would not be with us always. I love him and still pray for him and his family often.
With Lil Miss, I loved her like my own from day one. Maybe it was because she was our first foster child. Maybe it was because we were told from day one that she was 99% sure to be going up for adoption due to bio mom's history (and have learned if you ever hear this from a DHS case work...RUN). I guarded my heart as much as I could for the first few months. But by the time she was 5 or 6 months old... I couldn't guard it any more. I couldn't imagine loving a child that I give birth to more than I love her. We have fought hard for Lil Miss. I feel confident we have always fought for her absolute best interest. In the last 18 months, I have relied on God, my husband, my family, and my friends more than I ever have before. And it has been a journey... more to come on that I am sure. ;) But I will leave it at that!
I have rambled enough for tonight. Back to school tomorrow. I love having two weeks off for Christmas...but it makes the going back awful hard. Today was a pretty typical day. Playdoh, painting, lots of babies and dolls, a few times watching Tinkerbell...I hope she does okay at day care tomorrow after two weeks of being with Mama and Daddy.
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